Every Victory is Yours

I love Jeremy Camp's song "Overcome"- "All Authority, Every Victory is Yours."  I recently experienced a "victory" and I just wanted to post it so I would never forget it, as we humans do often. 
Aaron was on a mountain weekend about a month ago and his last text that Friday afternoon said that he would text me when they arrived to the cabin.  That text never came.  My head knew that they didn't have a signal for the cell phones in the past so that was probably the reason he didn't text.  That whole weekend went by and I didn't hear from him until Sunday around noon. 
There was a time in the past when I would have allowed my mind to go to some very bad places and would have assumed the worst- there was an accident, they got lost in the woods, etc.  From experience, it is a terrible place to go and can spiral out of control very quickly causing panic to set in.  I shared with Greg that Sunday morning how I "chose" to not go there and to trust the Lord for Aaron's protection.  I ended up in tears- not in worry, but in pure joy and gratitude for this victory that the Lord had given me.  Fear and worry were not a part of that weekend. 
God is so good! No, He's great!
Then I had to think- I chose to trust the Lord with my thoughts and Aaron's safety, but what if something would have "happened" to Aaron?  Does that mean that God was not trustworthy?  That my prayers fell on deaf ears?  Certainly not.  I have to daily surrender the fact that while I believe I am my children's best protector that I am not.  He is. 
I have come a long way in the past few years since my brother's death.  There was a time when the phone ringing was news of the next "bad" thing.  I laid in wait for the next tragedy.  God has been there in the grief, in the fear and anxiety and He most definitely has been there in the healing. 
Aaron and Sawyer will be leaving this Sunday for a week cruise to Bermuda with my parents.  I've been doing pretty good.  I picture them getting on the bus and ending up in tears but that's not how I want it to go.  I want them to enjoy their first cruise to a beautiful land with their grandparents.  I want to trust their safety to the Lord.  I choose to trust Him. 
"We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, everyone OVERCOME! Savior, worthy of honor and glory, worthy of all our praise- YOU OVERCAME!" 
Thank you, Lord, for healing my heart. Thank you for continuing to save me and rescue me when the darkness closes in!  What an AWESOME GOD we serve!

New horizons

It's hard to believe my last post was July of last year. Where does the time go? This blog was created originally to journal through my Captivating retreat but I'm realizing that what God did on that retreat was just the beginning. My journal entries are a reminder to me of where I was emotionally and spiritually and where He is bringing me to now.
When Greg lost his job in December we felt like it was time for me to find full time work to gain health care benefits. This whole idea left me feeling exhausted and worried. Me worry? Never! I have always been the parent to take the boys to school, to pick them up after school, take them to the doctor when necessary, pick them up from school if they were sick. I was faced with the probability of someone else stepping in to do this. I didn't like it. When I was cleaning, I was my own boss, made my own hours and had the flexibility with the needs of the boys. Being employed by someone else changes that. I didn't like that either.
To back up a little bit, I shared with some that on my retreat, I felt the Lord presenting the idea of a ministry to me. Who me, Lord? Little old me- the one who feels so inadequate and has such little faith? A ministry takes time, talent and money; things I don't feel I have an excess of right now. A sister shared that it's been said that God uses your greatest hurt as your ministry. That seemed to sink in better. I felt this calling of a ministry so strongly that I even felt I heard the name of the ministry which I shared with very few in case things really never transpire. The name I heard was "Walk on the Water" ministries. A little scriptural background and commentary on when Peter walks on the water with Jesus:

After feeding the 5000, Jesus sends his disciples ahead of him in a boat to cross the Sea of Galilee. Several hours later in the night, the disciples encounter a storm. Jesus comes to them, walking on the water. This terrifies the disciples and they think they are seeing a ghost. Jesus tells them in verse 27, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

Peter replies, "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water." So Jesus invites Peter to come. Peter gets out of the boat and begins walking on the water toward Jesus. But when Peter takes his eyes off Jesus and sees the wind and waves, he begins to sink. Peter cries out to the Lord and Jesus immediately reaches out his hand and catches Peter. As they climb into the boat together, the storm ceases. Then the disciples worship Jesus, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

Points of Interest from the Story:

• Jesus sends the disciples away so he can get alone on the mountainside and pray. Even in his busy schedule, spending time with God is a priority for Jesus.

• The disciples, even though they have spent much time with Jesus, don't recognize him in the storm. Sometimes we don't recognize the Lord when he comes to us in the middle of our "storms."

• Peter doesn't begin to sink until he starts looking around at the wind and the waves. Taking our eyes off Jesus, and focusing on the difficult circumstances will cause us to get under our problems. But when we cry out to Jesus, he catches us by the hand and raises us above the seemingly impossible surroundings.

• Peter starts out with good intentions, but his faith falters. This does not, however, end up in failure. Peter, even in his fear, cries out to the Lord, the only one who can help him.

• When Jesus gets in the boat, the storm ceases. When we have Jesus "in our boat" the storms of life will be calmed and we can worship Him.

I can certainly identify with Peter- too many times when storms arise I try to handle life on my own believing that I have all I need in my own power but ultimately the Lord is asking me to take my feet completely off the bottom of the river bed, take His hand and join Him on the surface of the water. He wants me to trust that He will not allow me to sink and drown.

How is this all relevant to the career move? I'm glad you asked! :-) Two days after I was offered the position with Hartz PT, I was cleaning a vacant apartment in Myerstown. I was listening to my ipod worrying about how this change will affect our lives and a song came on that went like this:

"You look around it's staring back at you
Another wave of doubt will it pull you under
you wonder
What if I'm overtaken?
What if I never make it?
What if no one's there?
Will You hear my prayer?

When you take that first step
into the unknown you know that
He won't let you go.

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to hold to you.

You know you're made for more
so don't be afraid to move
your faith is all it takes and you can.......

WALK ON THE WATER TOO!

Can I tell you how many times I've listened to this song and when I listened to it that day, i forgot the title. I sat down amidst the cleaning and just cried. I surrendered the fears with this job change to the Lord. I felt Him say "This is what I have for you- all you have to do is say yes to the job offer. Take My hand, forget the wind and the waves and trust that I will not let you sink and drown."

A line from the bridge of that song says "You can't see where you're going, you don't have to be afraid." I can't see where this is all "going" right now but I know I don't have to be afraid because He is right there with me as I "walk on the water."

The Prophetic Prayer

These posts are becoming father apart than I would like but nevertheless, here I am. I wanted to share an email that I received from my sister the day before I left for my Captivating Retreat. It is long, but boy is it ever good. It warmed my heart, made me cry and gave me hope and peace. It wasn't until after my trip that this prayer came to mean even more to me and it was so prophetic(which you will see in the next post).

Jenn,
Well the time has come. You have been chosen by God to embark on this journey with Christ. You have a Divine appointment for freedom from excessive reasoning, fear, inner turmoil and worry. He is opening a new door of breakthrough for you that will bring new hope and vision. He is releasing you into a new season where hopelessness and fear has to flee! He will restore the little girl within you where you will establish yourself into a position of faith to receive a double portion of His grace. The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on you, to bestow on you a crown of beauty, the oil of gladness and a garment of praise. You will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor. You will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; you will renew the ruined places that have been devastated. Instead of shame you will receive a double portion and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance; and so you will inherit a double portion, and EVERLASTING JOY will be yours(paraphrased from Isaiah 61)

Rejoice Jenn, that there has been an awakening in your spirit and that there is a hunger and a thirst in your heart. Be glad that God smiled upon you to give you a desire to come to Him. He is standing with you in truth and love, in grace and mercy and peace. You have been put in a position of highest privilege where you have gained access by faith into this grace in which you now stand. Rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. He loves you so dearly and is so pleased with your commitment to Him. You are walking in such a path of righteousness and for that He rejoices over you with such gladness and delight. He has already released freedom and deliverance over you and wants to trust that, yes, you are worthy of everything He has to offer you. Even when we doubt...which we all do from time to time. We are still worthy. He is calling you to reach for the extraordinary life that He has promised for you. May it radically change what you expect from Him and what you experience every day by His power. (and that was just the opening- here comes the prayer)

Most Glorious Father, I acknowledge your authority and sovereignty. I come to You with great praise and exaltation. My heart rejoices as I meditate on what You are going to accomplish in my dear sister. For You are a mighty and gracious God. I pray that You and she will have such an encounter this weekend. I pray that she go with the expectation that she will meet You there. May she go with no perceived idea of what that might be or what that may look like, but just that there will be a Great encounter. Father, I pray that she will have plenty of quiet time to bask in the sweetness of Your presence, not to be distracted by any agendas. May You draw her into the depths of where you are calling her. Like a river swiftly flowing. May she trust You enough to take her feet completely off the bottom of the river bed and allow the current to freely take her into the flow of freedom. May there be a determination to enter into a greater and deeper revelation of the Word and manifestations of the Holy Spirit. May she go forth and let You, Oh Lord, give her the full anointing for her life. May she cry out to You from the depths of her soul. May every tear shed in that quiet time/place be a cleansing...a washing of her past season and every tear be a testimony of Your glory. May she not have to cry very long to see that the mountains are being moved, and the Angel of deliverance will be there....where she will see a turnaround, a great exchange for every time the enemy has tried to rob her faith, steal her vineyard, steal her goods or abort her destiny...Thank You, Lord that You miraculously use it for good. You have already given her victory over all opposition. May her faith become activated in the season in which she is in and may she have full vision of Your ability. May You sing over barren places and release breakthrough and enlargement. Release a new hope, a fresh well. I pray that she may have a time of worship that has been like no other. May she sing with joy over her circumstances and may You be blessed by this offering to You. May You fill her to capacity with Your living and active Word and the powers of Your Holy Spirit. Father, I am entrusting my sister to You fully. Bless her beyond measure. Thank You that our freedom comes through the crucified and resurrected Jesus Christ, in whose name I pray. Amen.

Can I get a hearty AMEN!!! I was so blessed by this powerful prayer. I printed it out and took it with me. She also included about a dozen scripture passages which I wanted to have along so i could read those at some point. God heard and answered her prayer for me. I'm fighting a pretty bad headcold and can't breathe out of my nose and I'm feeling wiped out so I am signing off for now. I will be back soon. :-)

The Thief

Well, it seems like I failed in my attempts to keep posting about my Captivating Retreat over 1 1/2 months ago. You know the saying "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." This time it seems to be the reverse "my flesh is willing, but my spirit is weak." "Something" has been holding me back in sharing publicly what the Lord did for me that weekend in the heart of the beautiful Rocky Mountains. It has been a spiritual battle, no doubt. I'm hoping this post is an awakening in my spirit to fan the flames again.
My mom called me last Thursday and told me that she was the victim of identity theft. Someone had apparently made a credit card in her name and used it in 2 different states within 50 minutes of each purchase. The 3rd attempt to use the card was declined, thankfully. She has a limit on this debit card. Again, thankfully. As I processed this I became infuriated. How dare this person do this- and do it, especially, to my mom? Get a job, earn your own money(the honest, old fashioned way), scrub toilets if you must like I do for a living, get a life! I headed off to my evening job and the anger just festered. And then I was reminded....isn't this what Satan does when he attacks us? Doesn't he attack us at the core of our identity when he comes with temptations or doubts? Doesn't he try to steal or negate who we are in Christ? Doesn't he just absolutely assault our hearts and minds? And doesn't he do it aggressively and endlessly sometimes? Didn't he attack Jesus' identity in the desert..."IF you are the Son of God...." He's attacking who Jesus is- You? the Son of God? the son born of an illegitimate marriage? He takes Jesus high on the mountain and shows Him all the kingdoms of the world and says "All this I will give you if you bow down and worship me." How does Jesus respond? "Away from me, Satan!" Then it says that "the angels came and attended him." These attacks from Satan are brutal, even for the Son of God. It was exhausting; He needed the angels. This is why I picture angels are fierce warriors dressed in knight's armor; not delicate figures dressed in white with wings playing harps. It is war. We need to be prepared for battle. We need to be protected from head to toe.
So, I'm trusting that the bank will get this squared away for my mom. How did my evening go as the anger persisted? I found myself praying for this individual who did this act. I didn't like it, but I did it anyway. "Love your enemies."
Are we prepared for the next battle that Satan will launch at us? " The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy." Thank you, Jesus, for being our strong and mighty Warrior!!

First Captivating Session

Well, I didn't get a chance to post yesterday but I'm here now. When I walked into the auditorium where we had our sessions, there was a packet on every chair. Under every chair was a pack of tissues. I suppose I should have known at that point that I was in trouble! If you have not read the Captivating book yet, I highly recommend it. I believe it is a must read for every woman. I'll just give you some of the points they discussed in the first session.

1. I have been Chosen. God has chosen ME to be His child, His beloved.

2. Evil will hunt me. The Enemy is on the prowl. He came to "seek, kill and destroy." Do we(I)
live like it? Are we on guard for when Satan comes around to attack us?

3. I cannot go alone. That's what the Enemy would like us to believe- that we are all alone, no one
else can help us in our struggles. We try to "fix" ourselves. I would suggest if we had what it takes to fix ourselves that we would have already done it by now. We do not. We need others along the way to speak into our lives, to pray for us, to encourage us and to keep us accountable.

One thought I wrote down was "We want to write our own story because we don't trust God with the one He's writing for us. Do I hold out on God because I believe He's holding out on me?"

We had these silent times called "Covenants of Silence." It was a designated time of silence to reflect on a question they asked of us. It truly was amazing to see 400 women dispersing from the auditorium in absolute silence(perhaps a miracle :-). 400 women? Silent? Beautiful!! Our one covenant of silence was to ponder the question- What things have taken me away from my first love?(God) As I reflected, I came up with this list:
Bitterness
Anger
Unforgiveness
Control
Hopelessness
Despair
Fear
Anxiety
Worry
Depression


Then comes the why? Why do I feel all these things? They certainly don't bring life, the life that God promises. Don't I really trust God? He is so powerful and so good, but is He trustworthy? Do I really believe everything in His word from the beginning of creation in Genesis to the closing lines of Revelation or do I pick and choose what I feel is true? (That's a question I've reflected on for the past year.) I didn't get an answer to these questions during that time of silence. I did Saturday evening! Gotta keep you coming back!

Home Again!!

Hello all!
Well, I've been home for a week now and so I thought I'm due for a new post to let you all know how my trip went. Thank you for your patience and your many prayers! I didn't get much sleep on my retreat and with the time difference it took me awhile to feel rested. Where do I start? I think I'll just tell you the general details of the trip and then journey into the intimate moments I had with God over the course of my weekend. There was a lot to process and that is what I spent a lot of last week doing.
When Greg and I got to the Harrisburg Airport last Thursday morning, we discovered(much to my dismay) that my flight had been canceled due to a mechanical problem. I'm glad that they discovered the problem before it was in flight, but the nonetheless not really what I wanted to hear. I did get another flight 2 hours later but it was going to leave me with 1/2 hour to get off the plane, get my luggage and get to my shuttle. I called the number I had for the shuttle when I got to Chicago and was relieved to hear that although they stated 1:15 SHARP as our meeting time for the shuttle it was in reality 2pm so that was good news. I did make it in plenty of time.
Soon after departing from Denver to the ranch it began snowing and didn't stop until sometime late Friday night because we woke up Saturday morning to beautiful, sunny skies and you could see for miles. The snow capped Rocky Mountains were just gorgeous and no picture I took could really capture their beauty. I'll get those pictures on here as soon as Greg shows me how!
Four of the other girls from my group(the Daily Audio Bible) journeyed off on a mountain horse ride Saturday afternoon during our free time. It wasn't as scary as the horse ride that Greg and I went on 3 years ago when we went to Colorado, but it was a sloppy, muddy mess. Glad that my horse, Sox was very sure footed!
We were very well fed the entire weekend- and i didn't have to buy any of the food, tote it in from the car, put it away, prepare it or clean up!!! I think I ate more food that weekend than in a month!!
On the way home I was delayed in Cleveland for 2 1/2 hours! Bummer! I was so excited to get home to see my family. I couldn't help but cry when I saw them. God had answered my prayers for their safety while I was gone and gave me safe travels as well, although I had some unexpected bumps along the way. I think I'll leave it at this for now. I hope to post each day to share what happened each session and what the Lord showed me through each one. Like I said before, it was a lot to process- what is truth for my life now and in the future. Thanks again for all your prayers and notes of encouragement! They were a great source of comfort and love for me!

God is Faithful!!!

So it's now 5 days until I leave for Colorado. I am nervous and excited all wrapped up in one! Greg left yesterday for the High Point furniture market in N. C. until Tuesday evening and the boys left for a weekend trip to the mountains with my dad. Earlier this week I was feeling like them leaving could cause me some anxiety just on top of knowing that I'll be leaving next week. I had shared these anxieties with my cleaning buddy Monday evening and she prayed for me. The story that follows is very neat and ALL God. This cleaning buddy emailed me yesterday via Facebook and commented that I hadn't returned her emails and wanted to make sure I was doing ok. I called her and told her that I never got any emails. She asked me if I had any recent headaches(since I have been experiencing many lately) or any heavy anxieties. I said that I had not. She proceeded to tell me that she had emailed her small group of ladies(from our church) to share my anxieties and asked them to pray for me. Then she had emailed me to make sure this was ok. Since I never got her emails, she thought I was upset with her for sharing with them. I told her that I didn't mind at all and went to my cleaning job. As I was cleaning, I realized that when Greg left yesterday morning I was not feeling overwhelmed emotionally. Then when I dropped the boys off at my parents house I wasn't feeling bad either. Then the light bulb moment- I had been covered in prayer and did not even know it and the prayers had been answered. I did not have any anxiety yesterday. Even while cleaning last night I was not fearful of being alone there. My Friday night job is the job that my brother helped out with occasionally and Greg has been so faithful in helping me clean there since my brother's death. It's a large building with an elevator and the smallest noise will make me question if someone else is there. In the months after my brother's death it was most difficult because I kept imagining that he was going to come walking around a corner asking for his next cleaning task.
As far as the ladies praying goes- I don't have to ask if they prayed for me, I KNOW they did. You see sometimes when you know people are praying for us(at least for me anyway) we try to convince ourselves that we are feeling their prayers even if we don't. We know that so and so is praying for healing or for peace and that doesn't happen and then we want to know why? Is God not answering their prayers and that is why we don't feel healed or peaceful? Hope that makes sense. It was just neat to put it all together after the fact that I WAS very peaceful yesterday and now I know why- the prayers of faithful women from my church who love me enough to take time out of their busy schedules to lift me up to the Throne of Grace. I'm trusting that the peace I felt yesterday will be with me this next week as I prepare for my trip.